I'm not going into specifics here.This has always been a place to focus on the fun, the happy, the silly, the stupid/weird. You know, ME! Instead, just know that this entire divorce process is one that can reveal your mindset and character flaws pretty quickly.
Most of the time I get it right. Occasionally I goof it up pretty good.
There is no handbook for this. There is no limit to the amount of advice you can get, either. I tried hard to sort through the best of the advice and ignore the stuff that I just couldn't buy into.
Stand firm and fight.
Be flexible and claim the middle ground.
Don't let anyone screw you over.
Give up whatever else to keep what is important.
Never say anything negative.
Say it. Just don't let the kids hear it.
There were lots of contradictory messages to take in in a short time frame. Good luck finding clarity in all of that noise.
Sometimes my route has been perfectly clear. Other times, I could not even catch a glimpse. In the end, I have used each bit of this advice at some point.
The best of these, the piece of advice that seemed to ring most true in the beginning and at the end was simple. Paraphrased, it was simply 'At the end of this, you gotta be good with the kids and with yourself'.
Now that I am three-weeks divorced, it's not yet over. Won't ever be, really.
What I know now is simple. I'm good with the kids and I'm good with the guy looking back at me from the mirror.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
I'm gooood.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
An Open Letter to My Kids
Hey guys,
It's true and it sucks. Your mom and I are getting a divorce.
In a couple of weeks we won't all be living together in our little rock house. We won't be waking up and staggering through our mornings together. We won't be sitting down to dinner together like we do almost every night. And hopefully I remember to feed the pets. Every. Dang. Day.
You guys are about to be asked to split your time and your space. Sometimes you will be with me. Sometimes with mom. Rarely will it be with both of us. You are about to spend half of your time at Mom's new house. That's going to be weird/awesome.
You'll figure out how to live at Mom's house. A new room. Different furniture. It'll be weird. I've known your mom for a long time, so I promise you will still have chores. Some things will never change. Your mom will be there to help you out every step of the way. That will also never change.
You guys will find all sorts of new and exciting stuff in your new neighborhood. At 13 and 11 years old, I bet you will make loads of friends at the new place. It'll be awesome. And weird.
When you are here, you'll be home. But that will be weird too because pretty soon you are going to feel at home at the new house too. And that part is weird/awesome. I won't share that part of your experience. That will just be. After a while it won't even seem weird. Always, I'll be here every day to help you out or just to listen. Any time. Any problem.
Any dumb joke that must be immediately shared with the universe. After all, you know I'm a sucker for a ripping fart joke.
I will never be more than a text or a phone call and a short drive away. We all know that sometimes the really good, the really bad and the insanely silly stuff just. Must. Not. Wait.
The next few years are not going to be Mom's weeks or Dad's weeks. Each week will be YOUR week. When you need anything at all, at any time, you will always have two parents who will help in every way possible. It will never matter whose house you slept in last night.
Like when you left for kindergarten after we stayed home together for so many years, I'll learn about the great stuff and the tough stuff from you. I'll hear about the awesome and the weird, the sucky and the amazing when you are here, with me. And I'll love every minute of it. Just like when you were six.
Guys, after 11 and 13 years, I am certain you know this. You are loved. I love you. Your mom loves you. You will always be loved. We will always make time for you guys. And we will chew you out when you do stupid crap in high school. Because we love you.
We will also laugh about it behind your back. Because you will deserve at least that.
Please alway remember that when you need one of us, we will be right there. When you need both of us, we will make it work and it will be awesome.
Someday, before you date or marry or shack up (DO NOT tell grandma I said that...) we will share with you our whole story. I want you guys to know that Mom and I worked hard at staying married for a long time. Also, I want you to know where we screwed up so that you can avoid those same mistakes.
Now is not the time for those talks. Now it is time for you guys to double down on weird/awesome. Your Mom's new place is in serious need of your craziness. And my house can handle a lot more years of amazing noise and excitement so I'll be counting the days until you get back.
Love,
Dad
Saturday, January 24, 2015
It's a life thing. And I can make you understand. Or at least tolerate the truth...
Thursday, January 01, 2015
This thing still on?
Back in October of 2013, I limped away from this blog with a post Summer Blackout Recap. Not a word since then.
You lucky bastards.
Unfortunately for you all I still remember my password and still have access to this blog.
A quick recap. The Talker is almost a teenager (less than 2 weeks to go as a 12 year old). The Princess is about to finish elementary school, and The Boss Lady survived a nasty bout with a viral brain infection last year. I did finish my 3000 mile bike ride challenge last spring, topping it off with a 1 day, 75 miler through the Texas Hill Country.
The last year and a half have included several job changes, one for me, one for The Boss Lady. After a four year detour, she is back in a job that she loves and is having a blast. I gave up a job teaching and working with some of the most physically and developmentally delayed students in our school system. I now teach classes for students who are either Autistic or have other sensory issues.
The Backyard Farm currently consists of one Big White Dog, the black/brown/red/grey short-legged, long-haired, loud-barking Different Dog, The Other Kitty (now 19 years old), 6 chickens and 1 Betta Fish.
There you go. I stayed away of 15 months and you are caught up in 7 minutes. See you in a year or so.