Thursday, April 10, 2008

Grandma Threat Assessment - RED!

I am taking a break from the insightful meanderings mindless drivel that usually inhabits this space for a public service announcement. We will return to the insane babbling wonderment of dad-hood in a few days.

GRANDMA is on the way! Everyone scramble! THIS. IS NOT. A. DRILL! 4 hours to go! (give or take the wind resistance of a 2007 Mercury traveling at 15 miles per hour less than posted highway speeds...)

Don't just stand there looking dazed and confused. Save that for my normal posts... Grab a mop. Find a vacuum. For the love of Pete's Dragon, she will be here for 4 DAYS!!!

Go in peace and goodness help us all!

And please remember, never EVER look The Queen Mother directly in the eye. You will melt. Not the heart-racing, teen-love type of melting. Lava. You will turn to lava. She can do that.

You would do best to leave the face to face interactions to the professionals. I am trained. I have almost 40 years of experience. Plus, The Talker is loaning me his I am stealing The Talker's Lava-Proof Sunglasses.

But maybe my mommy will check my washing machines for creepy crawlies and slicey-dicey things for me while she is here...


Love Bears All Things said...

Good, for a minute there, I was afraid that you were talking about the mother by love. That would not have been a good post for her. Not that I know her but I could just relate.
Mama Bear

Anonymous said...

You have one of these too? Wow!

Actually, ours isn't a "blood-related grandmother." She's actually my dad's "life partner" I guess you could call her...?

Can't stand her. Her husband died and left her gobs of money and she's pretty stuck up.

An actual quote while she was visiting once and quietly apprasing my home, "Did you want to leave these dead leaves on this plant?"


Mike said...

Aww, our kid's grandmas are both pretty nice.

Luckily, they can both take teasing pretty well, too.