Somebody MUST love him. Right?

About once a week The Princess and I go to eat lunch in the school cafeteria with The Talker. On a good/normal day, The Talker gets to pick one friend and we eat on the stage, so that all the other classmates can see us and be jealous.

Today was not a good/normal day.

The stage was closed in preparation for a 3rd grade performance tonight. So The Princess and I ate at the table with the rest of The Talker's class. And let me tell you, next time I think I'll just bail out. Leave the boy with his classmates and scram.

What a freakin' nightmare. The staff who supervise the cafeteria see an adult at a table and they assume that the adult (me) can handle whatever requests/questions/demands that 20 kindergartners can throw my way. Guess what? Some people might be able to. This guy? No chance. For one thing, I don't know the cafe rules.

After a third kid asked me for permission to go to the restroom, I gave up. I was trying to get them to ask someone who knows how things are supposed to run. But no adult was coming on that side of the room, so I just started saying "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Chaos ensued. Which isn't that much different than a normal/regular day from what I have seen from my seat up on the stage. Still, I felt bad for being the guy who caused the noise and craziness.

The entire time we were eating, one of the classmates, whom I shall call Devil Child With the Loudest Mouth this Side of the Mississippi River, kept screaming demands at me.

"Open this! Now this! Go get me a new fork! I dropped this one."

But Devil Child With the Loudest Mouth this Side of the Mississippi River does not realize that I excel in ignoring rude little brats. So his yelling went unheeded.

Towards the end of the meal he started yelling "I am telling on you!" It took me a few times to realize that he was still talking to me. So I finally responded "Go for it. Maybe they will banish me from the cafe for all eternity"

Once a staff member finally came over to see why Devil Child With the Loudest Mouth this Side of the Mississippi River was shrieking at me, he pointed at me and told her "He hit me. That guy over there hit me."

She was obviously concerned, since she gave the type of response I had given all through lunch "OK, sure. Whatever."

That pretty much ended our nice relaxing meal in the school cafe. The Princess and I left pretty quickly after that. Devil Child With the Loudest Mouth this Side of the Mississippi River was still screaming that I had hit him. The Talker and most of his friends were laughing and I was mumbling to myself "...right in the throat if it would make you be quiet..."

Yep. School lunches with your kids. I highly recommend it. Time well spent with your progeny.

Just as long as the stage is open.