Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Greatest Shirt in the Entire
History of the Universe

Except for my new suit that I got in January, I have been living with one pair of dress pants for the last 6 months or more. Probably closer to a year, but they are pants, so I don't really care enough to keep track. All I know is I got fatter and my pants that I had worn to church for about 10 years did not fit any longer.

I could have dieted or worked out at the YMCA. But I decided that the pants were all worn out and probably out of style anyways, so I decided to lose the pants and keep the fat. Thus, I ended up with one pair of dress pants that fit after the fattening.

Tonight, I headed out to shop for some clothes. I mostly needed pants but shirts that aren't blue would be considered, too. At some point during the my "growth period" I started wearing blue shirts. And now I have a closet full of blue and little else.

I think I did pretty well. $109 and I brought home 3 pair of slacks and 3 new shirts. Evidently I am between sizes now. So I tried on every pair of pants in the store. Finally I decided to buy the bigger sized pants so that I can either get them altered a little or I might decide to continue super-sizing myself. Whichever is easier...

After I found the pants and two of the shirts, I was heading to the cash register. But like a siren's song, I was being pulled to the 30% off rack in the pack corner of the store. And when I got there, I broke a rule. I picked out a blue shirt. Actually, I think this shirt picked me. It was divine intervention or something.

So I bought The Greatest Shirt in the Entire History of the Universe. I barely made it into the house before I was showing my prize to The Boss Lady. She was speechless. I think she was duly honored to be in the presence of The Shirt. Yep, she was in awe.

Some guys might not be able to rock a shirt like this. But AtHomeDaddy is able and willing. Need proof? Here is The 2nd Greatest Shirt Ever. I wore to work today.

The 2nd Greatest Shirt Ever was another shirt that spoke to me. I was in the grocery store. Buying tortilla chips. And there he was, on a rack by the pharmacy. I grabbed that sucker and headed home. I was halfway home before I remembered the chips that I had not bought.

Feel honored. You have now seen greatness. Lucky me, I get to cruise town with my kiddos and these awesome shirts on a regular basis. For some reason, the wife never seems to be around when my awesomest shirts are with us...

One last thing. Can you believe I didn't spend even $15 on either one of these beauties? Sometimes greatness just comes to you.

9 comments:

Phil said...

Wow.

I had to look away after awhile. The greatness was just so extreme. Like looking into the face of God.

I've never had a shirt speak to me before. A lamp did, once.

The Father of Five said...

(Dropping to my knees, and waving my arms up and down as I bow...)

I'M NOT WORTHY!!
I'M NOT WORTHY!!

Totally awesome shirt(s)!!

UrbanVox said...

huahuahuahuahuahua!

Loved the shirts!!!!

as a Brazilian guy I would never ever be able to pull out wearing one of them...

but if it works for you mate... go for it! lol

I couldn't quite see the face of God, the shirt DID get recorded in my retina! lol

Love it tho! Wish I could get away with wearing something like that to go to work!

What do you work with anyways?

postulatesandpasttimes said...

I don't even wanna know how long and hard your wife laughed when you got home.

Right now (OK, maybe not RIGHT NOW, since it's early yet), she's telling this embellished story to her co-workers:

"I sent him to buy some new pants and I told him, "NO MORE BLUE SHIRTS" and what did he bring home?"

HA!

Mike said...

Thanks guys. I'll let The Shirt know that you all showed a proper level of respect.

UrbanVox - I help out a few hours a week at my daughter's preschool. Nothing too formal or dressy. Other than that, it is just me, the kids and my shirts at home most days.

The Father of Five said...

Can anyone tell me why I am suddenly hungry for some Mahi-Mahi tacos??

Anonymous said...

Mike - Wear that to the graduation in August...wouldn't your favorite in-law be proud???

Mama Dawg said...

I love the 2nd Greatest Shirt Ever...honest!

I tend to wear these, too, but usually over a tank top and some capris.

For some reason, they don't make shirts like this for women. I always have to buy mine in the men's department.

Came to you via literaldan.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you didn't buy me one???
It has guitars, fish, and blue?
I'm a 2-3xxx
By the way, just for the record: That's the second coolest shirt in the world.
The number 1 coolest shirt was my Elvis on Summer Tour T-shirt. Do you still have it?
KRB