Friday, July 01, 2005

The Boss Lady Speaks - Totally Trashed Toobin' Time!

This is the first in a possibly never-to-be-repeated series of posts by The Boss Lady in her own words... Edited to make AtHomeDaddy look better, of course.

So, it's been a while (over 4 years, I think) since I was taken out on a date by my leading man. Don't get offended, I never asked him out either. We ditched the kids with his sister, his aunt, 4 cousins, 2 cats and 2 golden retrievers. We knew they would have fun.

Genius husband's idea: Toobin down the Comal River in Greune, TX. He dislikes swimming, but I love it. Basically, float on a tire tube and drink lots of Dr Pepper for a few hours. Lots of shade, a few quick rapids, lots of time to talk and relax.

Toobin in this particular area is a magnet for college kids (yes, we know we are FAR from young any more) who want to float around for hours with coolers of booze. But, being a Thursday, most of them were working for beer money so the place was empty.

It was beautiful.
It was relaxing.
It was calm.

We talked.
We flirted.
We laughed.
We smiled.

It was a way to remember that attraction that began 13 years ago.

There were a few rapid spots. They were fun. Mildly exciting and fast. Lots of high rocks and shallow spots (2-3 inches deep) where he would yell, "Butts Up!" It was a pretty good abdominal workout to figure out how to get your entire body higher than the top of the toob and still keep the thing floating forward.

We were very careful when we left to slather on the SPF 45. AtHomer even wore a T-shirt as we toobed. Several times along the route, we re-applied. There would be no sunburn for us.

But, there was this one set of raging rapids ahead. The river took a few curves together and made a long stretch of mild drop-offs. He got out ahead of me. He swears the floating cooler acted like a propeller and sped him up. The first section was fun and I perfected the whole-body-up while still floating technique. The second section was a little steeper, deeper and faster. Mike went down and waited for me at the lower bank. Arms raised up in victory the whole way.

Honestly, I couldn't have been more than 1 foot to the right of where he went down the rapids. The water was darker and not moving nearly as fast. After the first 2 feet, all bets were off. The area I was on got MUCH faster, steeper and the rocks were shallower. My toob was suddenly over my head and I was scraping bottom.

I am a good swimmer. I've never had fear of water in my life. But in those "rapids" (really slow-pids for anyone who knew a river and how they CAN run) I was terrified. I ran scenarios through my head of how to keep my eyes open, NOT crack my melon open and attempt (totally in vain) to not get too bunged up.

It was maybe 4-6 seconds before I regained control in the water. I reached a deep spot where the water calmed down.

Maybe it's a testament to my commitment to our family. Maybe it’s proof that I'm an idiot. Maybe it's a sign that I should have been an accountant or insurance agent. I kept tallying up our bills, my life insurance and hoping AtHomer knew how to find all our account information.

After that, all I wanted was to get out of that fast water and touch AtHomer. He's always been my ground wire. There he was, waiting on a bank with a strained calm expression on his face.

"That was ugly."

When I looked back at the little rapids, I could see my doom from the bottom. Isn't that the way it usually goes? When you're in the middle of a disaster of your own making, all you can see is the worst. A little piece of you knows you will be fine but you give in to the irrationality of the moment and panic.

We continued on our way and enjoyed the rest of the float. I have my Nanny's thin skin and I knew the cuts and abrasions all over my legs would look really nasty by morning. The only major damage was the 1/4 cubic inch of thick green something (rock? moss? fish?) under my fingernail.

All in all, a great day with a pretty good story. It wasn't until we got back to the kids that I realized there was a real problem. I walked in the door and all eyes widened. "Wow, you got some sun, huh?" I was fried. I looked like a lobster or was it tomato woman?

Being the guilty parents we were after ditching our kids for hours, we tried to make it an educational conversation with the Talker. "That is why we put on sunscreen. Mommy has a sunburn and it hurts very much."

The Talker fired back, "I don't have a sunburn. My skin is not hot. Oh, no! I have fire and lava all over my skin--I have a sunburn! I can't hug you, Mommy. Your skin is too hot. Don't make a mistake again, Mommy. I told you a million times, no sunburn in my eyes."

And the list could go on forever, kind of like this message.

AtHomer wanted to know if this was an attempt to blog. No thanks, I have no need to keep up with AtHomeDaddy.

I was just reliving my date and wanted to "talk" with you.

May you have a safe, relaxing, calm water day. Maybe you can laugh at me along the way.

With a smile,

The Boss Lady


sparkydiva said...

WOW!!! THE BOSS LADY!! its nice to read you. glad you came out of the water ok. you should drop in more often. and its great you guys could spend that time together.

Rick said...

I laughed hard when I read

"My toob was suddenly over my head and I was scraping bottom."

Pun Intended?