THIS is Why I Don't Drink Coffee...

Tonight we ran over to the Organic, High Dollar, Veggie and Free-Range Tofu Foods Store to buy a few bulk grains and rice to make baby food for the Princess. I promised The Talker a smoothie and we headed to the juice bar.

The smoothie-maker man asked me what I wanted.

"A medium Very Berry smoothie."

"What size?"

"Medium."

"We have 16s, Orginals, or Premiums. Which would you like?"

"ME DI UM." But I was really thinking, Who the hell came up with this idea? All I really want is a medium. Dammit, you can't make me order a freaking, 'Original' you power-hungry vegetarian. You're only doing this because you know I was making beef jerky this afternoon, aren't you? Eat some red meat you skinny little socialist.

"You want a 16? An Original? Or a Premium?"

I was digging in my heels for a good verbal fight to the death. I was betting I could make this guy cry AND still have him make The Talker a smoothie.

Right then, The Talker yelled "I want my smoovie!" And not wanting to hear The Talker scream again, I gave in to the skinny little smoothie-maker man.

"One ORIGINAL Very Hairy Scary Triple Stinky Tofu Berry Smoovie, please." Jerk.

And you know what? It was a very good MEDIUM Very Berry Smoothie.

But I think I'll stick to home-made smoothies and Dr Pepper. Because someone would end up in traction if I ever had to order a 'Double Grande Mocha Latte Frappachino' instead of a 'Medium Coffe' at Starbucks.