I've been on a vacuuming and blending bender

Last week we got the much anticipated new vacuum cleaner. And we spanked that machine this weekend. You simply cannot should not have a Great Pyrenees dog who lives inside your house and a half-functional vacuum cleaner. I was so impressed by the quality of the cleaning that I got inspired to dust off an old friend, the Roomba Vac.

That machine was all the rage around here for about 6 months. Then I got tired of cleaning out the brushes after every single room. So it lingered in a corner until I de-dog furred the robot and charged the batteries back up. The floors were basically clean so we just needed a quick touch up. Normally I pull out the broom and dustpan for the little touch-ups. OK, technically I GO FIND the broom and dustpan since it it usually still sitting wherever I used it several days earlier. Yes, I am lazy. Next question?

But this weekend I was able to let the Roomba do the dirty work for me. Ahh! It is good to be the King of Lazy.

So the King needed a reward. This weekend I picked up a new Magic Bullet blender. And let me tell you, thanks to an aversion I developed while hanging out with my often swindled grandmother, I NEVER EVER EVER buy something if it is marked "As Seen on TV". So without The Boss Lady's recommendation, this little puppy would not have jumped into the cart at Costco.

But the wife assured me that she heard it works great for smoothies and other stuff. And I really like the other stuff. A lot. And it is summer. The perfect time for other stuff on the back porch.

Last night, thanks to Texas's blue laws, we could not buy the fixings for frozen margaritas. So we made strawberry/banana smoothies. The new blender lived up to the hype. And the King was happy. As happy as one can be without a nice, slushy frozen margarita.

Anyways, this afternoon the kids and I drank smoothies and watched max and Ruby while the Roomba cleaned up the living room. That is living! And tonight The Boss Lady and I might watch the robot vacuum the rest of the house. If I make to the liquor store before it closes.

Best cow joke, EVER!

And no, this has nothing to do with Mother's Day. A first-grade neighbor told me this joke at the soccer field this morning...

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interup...
Moo!

Wind chill, wind schmiel...

Yesterday I was outside for most of the day. Which is not a bad spot to be on May 9th. Much better than pushing papers around a desk. Except that it was HOT out there.

I think the news said it was 97 yesterday. After the rain we had earlier in the week, the humidity was high, too. So we had the heat index hovering over 100 degrees all afternoon.

Since it looks like summer is here a month early, I added a new feature to the site, a pool-time counter. We may not make much use of our YMCA membership during the rest of the year, but when the outdoor pool opens, we live up there. The pool opened last weekend and we did not make it out, but that changed as of this afternoon. Plus, the kiddie pool has already made it's debut in the back yard. It was out a couple of days last week.

Today we waited to go swimming until after The Talker's soccer game. So we only lasted an hour. Anyone want to start a pool on how much time we stay wet this summer.

Good thing we don't keep her shoes in there...

Our new vacuum cleaner probably thinks it has been UPS shipped straight to the carpets of hell. It arrived here less than 24 hours ago and I am pretty sure I'll need to change the bag before the weekend is over.

In order to get the floors as clean as possible, The Boss Lady has kept the kiddos hopping all morning. The Talker's room, after 30 minutes, is till in need of some time and attention. Or the new vac could just finish the job for him...


I am sure no other children in the world enjoy emptying all of the toy shelves in their closets as much as our kids. Thus, the pile of chaos on the rug. Once the pile is gone, and the vacuum has been deployed in his room, The Talker will be meeting his fate, as his little sister did earlier today.

The Princess is now officially banished from her closet, after spending the better part of an hour sorting everything back into it's proper place. A little painter's tape is as good as a brick wall in this castle.

$1.08 movie reviews

We rent all of our movies out of one of those automated boxes at the grocery store for a buck plus tax a night. Thus, the $1.08 movie reviews.

Juno - We watched it last night. It rules! Teen pregnancy, smart-ass kids and a Toyota minivan. What else can you need in a movie? An awesome soundtrack? Check. This movie has that, too. We will be adding it to the DVD collection.

The 40 Year Old Virgin - F Bombs a plenty, hot grandma and a bloody nose during THE deed. A work of modern poetry. Also soon to be added to our collection.

I am Legend - Will Smith, his dog and his cigar are always supposed to survive these movies, a la, Independence Day. But I guess the formula was tired. A cool flick but the creepy things kept me up for two nights after we watched I am Legend. It will NOT be joining our collection.

Superbad - OK, if The 40 Year Old Virgin made you blush with the bad language, stay away from this one. But if you like shooting Dr Pepper out of your nose, then rent away. Teen drinking, teen sex and a few weeks 'til graduation. Sounds like fun, right? This one has already entered our collection.

So there you have it. Not much info, but I did give you the links to IMDb. What else did you expect for $1.08?

And speaking of things I don't want to hear my teenagers say,

we are finally moving out of the dark ages and sitting down to watch Juno this evening.

$1.08 movie review(s) to follow soon for this and several other movies we have watched lately. Just a hint, no redeeming social values will be found in any of these films...

Just so long as they aren't still saying it when they are teenagers...

The Princess was sitting on the trapeze swing, her brother in the next swing over. I was digging weeds out of a flowerbed on the other side of the playscape when I overheard this exchange,

"I bet I can get higher than you.
No way! I'll be higher than ANYONE!"



(I thought about dedicating this post to the neighbor's 20 year old loser son and his stoner buddies. But that would be catty and sad. So I won't.)

Skipping out

The house is a wreck. The new vacuum won't be her for several more days and the laundry is piling up, waiting for a ride in the washing machine. It is drizzling outside. And the dishes are filling the sink.

For some reason neither the 4 year old nor I feel like tackling the mess in here. So we are going to check out the newly remodeled mall.

The Disney Store always trumps cleaning the house around here.

This behavior sucks! And saves!

The AtHomeFam just got back from vacuum shopping. Yep that is the way we roll on Friday nights. Hot dogs and pizza at the snack bar at Costco and then we comparison shop the small appliances. We are hopping, folks!

Costco had a pretty good price on a couple of Hoover vacs. Nothing fancy, but $75 cheaper than Sears for the same machine. The problem was, we got hung up on the eternal question, bagged or bag-less. They had one of each type and the price was within $10.

While The Boss Lady and I were debating the merits of each system, the kids were climbing on displays, crawling through shelves and generally just taking all the fun out of shopping for power tools. Hey, it plugs in, makes noise and does work, so it qualifies. OK?

So we came back home. Without a vacuum. That's right. Act a fool and I make you walk around on dirty floors! When we got home, the kids were given the bum's rush to bath and bed. I decided to look online to see if there was a better deal to be found. And was there ever.

Thanks to my wife's kids, I found the exact same machine on an Amazon.com Friday Sale for $100 cheaper than Costco's price. They even threw in 3-5 day shipping. The Costco machine came with some extra bags, but not $100 worth. Plus, this way we stick it to the man. Sales tax this, buddeeeeeeeeee!

So if you ever see my children acting like morons at Costco, have no fear. They are just watching out for the family's finances!

Edit - 8 am Saturday - Evidently the kids had great timing. And Amazon was serious about that Friday only thing. The price of that sucker (pun fully intended. I work hard for those bad puns) is back up $42 since we ordered.

Garden Tour

Back just a month and a half ago my garden didn't look like much. Few plants had survived our brutal winter. It looked something like this:


Now that everything is growing and the garden looks a little less like a recently dug cemetery plot:

The tomatoes are coming in.

The sage in bloom, is like perfume (Clap Clap Clap Clap).
Deep in the heart of Texas!

My favorite garden plot. The 'taters!

Some watermelons for the kiddies.

We are already knee deep in lettuce and greens. I planted my snow peas too late, but they are still growing fine. Hopefully we will get a small crop before they give in to the heat. I ended up growing three different types of beans this year. (3 Bean Salad, anyone?) And the herbs that I kept growing through the Not-Summer season are all doing great.

Should be a bumper crop of everything this season.

Who wears the panties in this family?

Last week The Princess' pre-school class was studying the letter U. Each Friday we are supposed to help the child select a Show-and-Tell item that starts with the letter of the week.

But The Princess had her heart set on taking a puppy toy. Nothing I would say convinced her to take her pink Umbrella.

When it was time for Show-and-Tell, The Princess' puppy passed without much discussion. I wasn't in the room, but the real trouble for me started when one of the boys brought a spare pair of his Underwear out for Show-and-Tell. Pretty brave for a 4 year old boy, don'tcha think?

One of the girls in the class blurted out "My Mommy wears my dad's Underwear to bed." After some giggling, the teacher's got everything back on track. That is, Until my daughter trumped 'em all. with "MY DADDY wears my mommy's Underwear to work!"


Just for the record, I did not drop my jeans and prove my daughter a liar. But mine are Hanes boxer briefs. I won't discuss the wife's undergarments here. Maybe next week, when the class studies the letter G!

Yeah? Well, so am I!

My Best Investments started off the month with a post about Fast Food signage. So I guess I'll finish up the month in the same vein.

This afternoon The Princess and I went over to Wendy's for lunch. It was a compromise reached after hours of negotiation. No playground, but they still have chicken nuggets.

While I was sitting there, eating my Spicy Chix sandwich, no mayo, no tomato, thank you very much, I noticed the table tent, advertising their new strawberry chocolate and vanilla shakes. They have gone a long way to keep from admitting that there is nothing like ice cream in there.

Don't believe me? Take a look. I stole that sucker just so I could snap a picture of it!



Yep. made from REAL ingredients. Of course, since it is in there ANYTHING counts as both real AND an ingredient. So what could possibly be included in that statement? I bet if I called Wendy's it would go something like this.

What's in those delicious strawberry shakes? Dirt? Check!
Rat left overs? Check!
Dextromalathylizone? You betcha!
Strawberries? Huh?
Milk? This interview is over!
Ice Cream? NO MORE Questions!!!!

No matter, really. We didn't buy one of their milk-less/ice cream-less fake shakes anyways. But at least I got a new trophy for the computer desk!

At least my dog appreciates me!

So it is "Teacher Appreciation Week" at The Princess' pre-school. The parents are shelling out a few more bucks a piece to buy the teachers some lunches, snacks and little goodies throughout the week. Being both a parent and a teacher, I am in the position to both pay for the treats AND to get to share in the goodness of snack time at work.

One of the classes brought me a gift of homemade chocolate chip oatmeal cookies on Monday. I ate one on the way home, even though I told The Princess that she couldn't have one in the car since I didn't want melted chocolate on my tan seats.

Anyways it is a good thing I snacked in the car. After school I gave the kids a few each. And they might have enjoyed a few more after dinner. But I wasn't there to say for sure.

I WAS there when The Big White Dog decided to make a midnight snack out of the leftovers, though. ButtHeadDog only left two or 3 slobbery cookies as he ran through the kitchen and devoured MY cookies.

Yep, chocolate is bad for dogs. Luckily he didn't eat much and he is a big dog. So it would take a lot to make him sick. But if he eats my cookies again I might put a hurtin' on him!

Must be springtime!

The Boss Lady just spent the morning cleaning and de-cluttering the kid's bedrooms.

They will say that spring cleaning never killed anyone but I didn't want to risk it. So I spent the morning hiding out in the garage, working on the old truck then I pulled out the long ignored guitar and changed the strings that have been on it for at least a couple of years.

You would think that after all that I would either be able to drive the truck OR play the guitar, but you would be wrong. The truck is still in pieces and I still don't know how to wail on the Fender Acoustic.

Stuck in my head

I have heard this song all the way through exactly ONCE! And I was mostly asleep then. AND it was over a week ago.

But it is all jammed up in my hat holder.



There is a longer version over here.

This one should be easy.

when compared to last weekend.

One soccer game, one birthday party, church and sleep that does not involve a football field or a tent.

Then again, I made it through last weekend without a migraine. This weekend, I guess I have time for a broken brain. So pass the Excedrin and the Imitrex and move along. Quietly.

I woke up at 4 with a doozy of a headache. I moved to the couch so that The Boss Lady could sleep without me tossing and turning while I was looking for that one elusive position that would allow me to sleep. I must have found it.

At 5 I headed back to bed, but there was a little boy curled up on my side. So I headed to his bed. But when I lay down, I was laying on top of The Talker. Evidently, that was a little GIRL in mommy's bed. So I went to her bed. And I found out why she had abandoned the most comfy twin bed in the world - Pull-Up leak! Luckily I had not climbed into her bed.

Back to the couch for some tossing and turning until 7, when The Talker came running/yelling/pounding a bass drum into the living room, looking for Saturday cartoons.

I found the remote, picked a channel and made a run for his room, since I finally had a bed to crash on. But I never found the sweet spot again. No more sleep, just a nice headache in full bloom.

So now I have accomplished 2 things that were not on our Saturday calendar. I have a headache AND I have fully bitched and whined about it.

It sure is nice to have an easy weekend once in a while!

'Tis the Season

For kindergarten birthday parties. This week I think I have either replied to or flat out ignored 5 birthday party invites. Yep, if I don't know the kid, we ignore 'em. Bad form, yes. Too bad. So sad.

The boy went to a birthday party last Sunday, The Princess went to one last Tuesday morning. I got rooked into both. We will all attend a birthday party this Saturday, at the cost of missing a simultaneous party on the other side of town.

The kids had only been invited to neighborhood birthday parties before the school year started. Now, it is a weekly routine. Still, we skip more than we attend. And by the end of the school year I expect a dozen more invites to come our way.

By the way, either Evite or invite by mail/card left in the school bag. Don't do both. And for goodness' sake, don't do all three! The Boss Lady and I are hanging on my a thread here. Multiple invitations to the same party can cause our delicately prepared Google Calendar setup to have a spasm and freak out.

Anyways. I am ready for the summer to start. Swimming, picnics and no surprise birthday invitations found in the bottom of school bags for two whole months!

By the way, I am throwing myself a birthday party on July 13th. Under the new picnic pavillion at our neighborhood park. Show up or don't. Call for directions or don't. Consider yourself invited.

Or don't.

Todays forecast - Perfect tent weather

100% chance of trashing the living room. And less than a 50% chance of getting any laundry folded. Sorry, Boss Lady.

The Princess and I set out to finish up the laundry this morning. It was supposed to be a day full of fun and adventure. Getting stains out, folding and putting away the clean laundry = big happy fun time!

But we seemed to get sidetracked on a different adventure. Tent City has sprung up in the middle of our living room.



But let me tell you something. This girl can CAMP! I count no less than 3 pair of shoes in our hideout. Including one set of sparkly high heels. When I pointed out that they might not be the best camping shoes, The Princess assured me that they are "just here for decorations."

I also counted 2 baby dolls, 4 stuffed animals, 5 pillows and 4 blankets. I am pretty sure you can tackle Mt Everest with less gear. But evidently you can't defeat the mountain of laundry laying on the love seat...

RacecarDaddy, Part 7 and Done!

This morning I went online and paid my fine from my speeding ticket.

I am feeling justified, since it took 82 days from the date of my heinous offense for the city to get any money out of The Boss Lady. I could have waited one more week to pay, but I did not want to forget. Especially since I HAD FORGOTTEN and The Boss Lady reminded me about it just this morning.

The city is notorious for adding outrageous service fees to online or credit card transactions. It seems like every department tacks on additional fees for services that SPEED UP their cash collection and reduce their payroll a little bit more. So I originally went online only to double check where I had to go to pay with a check.

I was hoping to find a little blog fodder to complain about so I decided to see what type of fees they would tack on if I paid from the computer, while sitting in my pajamas. Nice surprise, no additional fees! Score one for common sense.

In the end, the city got my $102 electronically and I am a scofflaw no more.

The Princess Jokes

Hold on to your coffee. Be sure to swallow that last swig of Dr Pepper. The Princess is telling jokes! Of course, they kind of come at you free-form and free-flowing. So try to keep up, OK?


Why did the lights go yellow, yellow, yellow?
Because they are marking the school crossing zone?
No, it's a joke! Because they were crossing the road!


Why did the car cross the road?
I don't know. Why?
No, you gotta guess.
To get to the other side?
No, silly. To drive in the trees!


Why was the car covered in leaves?
Because he was driving in the trees?
No! Because he was hiding from the fence!


Why did the football toot?
Because he slid down the slide too fast?
Nope. Because he had a tear in his shell.


OK, now you tell one.
Let's see... There once was a man from Nantucket...
Huh?
Never mind.


OK, how about this one. Why did the girl cross the playground?
Why, Daddy?
To get to the other SLIDE!
That's not funny, Daddy. No more jokes from you, OK?

Backseat Theology (from the other side of the car)

A follow up to this post...

The Talker got a pair of plastic vampire teeth at a birthday party this afternoon. And they reminded me of a comment he made a couple of weeks ago, as we were sitting in on a Communion Service at church.

"But dad, if we drink Jesus' blood, won't we be vampires?

Don't worry son, it's only grape juice. And vampires don't like grape juice"

Military Secrets Revealed

Tonight your tax dollars were hard at work.


The Talker decided against building a sleek and speedy racer for our Pinewood Derby at Church. Instead he built Army Tractor #6. But like all military secrets, this was on a strictly need to know basis.


No one outside of the immediate design company saw AT#6 until weigh in. Which we nailed, at a perfect 5.00 ounces. In this photo you can see the Pilot, Co-pilot and Navigator.


Weigh in was our last successful battle at the races. Evidently this military contracting company needs to work on the final wheel and axle assembly. But that is for next year.

Tonight we mainly battled tears and disappointment since Army Tractor #6 was beaten up pretty badly by some very nice daddy-built racers and some that looked like the kids had actually helped.

For the record, The Talker did most of the work on his car! Design, sanding, gluing of the rear tail fin and adding the staff members were all his handy work. I helped with cutting on the bandsaw, striping and painting (since we decided to use spray paint), and any other assistance that was requested.

The night has a successful ending though, when we brought AT#6 to our backyard proving ground, the playscape slide, and we watched it catch some air on it's maiden flight. That's right, The Talker designed and built a FLYING AT#6! Let's see those daddy design firms do that.

Until the footage of the flying Army Tractor #6 is declassified, I'll leave you with a short video of race night. In this video, AT#6 was in the red lane.

It's all in the context

I asked The Boss Lady how much we should let The Talker spend on a birthday gift for his friend.

"Oh, 5 to 10 sounds good.
I agree, I would LOVE 5 to 10 right now. 'Cause I could sleep in jail!

But how much should I spend on the gift?"

My own never ending weekend...

Our weekend started Friday afternoon, on a dinner visit to see mom at the Relay for Life. Then the kids wanted to stay over night. And I really, really wanted too, also. Really. OK, not really. But I had a headache and being home alone with the kids all evening didn't sound much better.

This morning we got home at 7:30 and I grabbed a quick nap before The Talker and I headed out to his soccer game. The Boss Lady and MiniHer stayed home to nap.

Since the soccer game, the boy and I have been resting up in front of the TV and PS2. He has a Pinewood Derby at with his Bible Club at church, tonight. We built the racer last weekend, so waiting all week has been tough on the boy AND the car. I know mom has worked on the car once and I have repaired it at least twice this week.

Tomorrow I am supposed to teach my Sunday School class for the third week in a row. (I usually alternate weeks with a few other people.) And the quality of the learning will probably show, since I have to cram in study for that between the end of the races and the start of class at 10:30 in the morning. Plus, I really want some sleep then, too.

Sunday afternoon, after we stop by a neighbor baby's Christening Party, The Talker and I are heading out to a birthday party at a Lazer Tag place. No way I'll be able to convince him to go to Bible Club with mom instead.

So after a lot of walking, a little sleep, a little soccer, some racing cars, a muddle through theology and some Lazer stun-gunning, this weekend will eventually come to an end. But not soon enough to get any real sleep.

Which wouldn't be so bad if next weekend were not looking just as busy.

Thank goodness we skipped out on the neighborhood-wide garage sale today. 'Cause my junk is too tired to sell.

Worst camp camp site, EVER.

But what it lacked in scenic beauty, it made up for in noise and all night partying.

Not normally my type of spot to spend a weekend night, the AtHomeFam spent the night on a Jr High School football field, supporting The American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. The kids had a ball - and they slept pretty well, too. The wife had a blast and didn't sleep at all. The Daddy? I slept some and had a ton of fun, too.

Of course, it WAS a much more suitable event for you guys with winter camping experience. I came home in the evening and grabbed every blanket in our house, since it dipped into the high 40's last night. Only 15 degrees colder and we literally could have frozen.

The Boss Lady's team raised over $2000, with something like $350 coming from loose change donated by the kids at her school. Good stuff!

Backseat Theology

On the way home from Target, with a birthday gift for a classmate in hand, The Princess got all philosophical on me.

"Daddy, were do Polly Pockets come from?
I don't know, baby girl. China?

Maybe God makes them.
Well, I hadn't thought of that possibility

And Jesus paints them. To make me happy."

So there you have it. The origins of the life of Polly Pocket.

Direct from the backseat to your ears.

Grandma Threat Assessment - Green!

All is calm. The Queen Mother is being driven home in her chauffeured Mercury, as I type.

This was the first time in years that mom and dad came to stay for a while, for something other than a family funeral. The kids, parents and the grandparents all had a blast. Unfortunately, I think only the parents and grands are worn out after the long weekend.

Time for a nap.

Happy Birthday, Boss Lady

Now would be a great time to write something poignant and pithy. But I seem to have used up all of my best words already.

We love you and thanks for my two favorite presents.

Grandma Threat Assessment - RED!

I am taking a break from the insightful meanderings mindless drivel that usually inhabits this space for a public service announcement. We will return to the insane babbling wonderment of dad-hood in a few days.

GRANDMA is on the way! Everyone scramble! THIS. IS NOT. A. DRILL! 4 hours to go! (give or take the wind resistance of a 2007 Mercury traveling at 15 miles per hour less than posted highway speeds...)

Don't just stand there looking dazed and confused. Save that for my normal posts... Grab a mop. Find a vacuum. For the love of Pete's Dragon, she will be here for 4 DAYS!!!

Go in peace and goodness help us all!


And please remember, never EVER look The Queen Mother directly in the eye. You will melt. Not the heart-racing, teen-love type of melting. Lava. You will turn to lava. She can do that.

You would do best to leave the face to face interactions to the professionals. I am trained. I have almost 40 years of experience. Plus, The Talker is loaning me his I am stealing The Talker's Lava-Proof Sunglasses.


But maybe my mommy will check my washing machines for creepy crawlies and slicey-dicey things for me while she is here...

Scared of the washer

I really have to stop sticking my hands in washing machines without looking at the potential hazards first. A few days ago the pizza cutter stalked me in the dishwasher. This morning, I was unloading the clothes washer.

As I looked into the machine for any stray socks, I about had a heart attack. Big freaking tarantula. In the washing machine!

#$(*$)*@ scared, squared!


Luckily, I just had forgotten to check The Talker's pockets before washing his pants and socks. A boy really needs his 4 cents, rubber spider and a stingray, don'tcha think?

19 minutes

The Talker got tubes in his ears this morning. He walked out of the waiting room about 20 minutes later than we were scheduled . Which is pretty good in hospital time, I think. OK, actually he rode out of the waiting room on a truck/trike built for a toddler. He was waaaaaaay to big for the toy, but no way was he missing the chance to ride toy a truck INSIDE.

The nurses and doc told us he should be done in less than 30 minutes. They almost cut that time in half. 19 minutes after he left the room, the doc was back, letting us know that everything was fine and dandy.

Hey Boss Lady,

Where do we keep the Worker's Comp forms?

OK, I know some Stay at Home Dads bristle at the images of the buffoon dads that are portrayed on TV and especially in commercials. Though I couldn't really care less what some advertising company thinks of our family structure...

Of course, there are some days when the biggest buffoon of all is right in this very house. Heck, even Mr. Mom didn't almost cut off a few fingers in the dishwasher, like someone here did this afternoon.

Luckily, I think it is nothing a few band-aids can't hold together...

Always know where your pizza cutter is,
when you are unloading the clean dishes, OK?

So about the blood. You think that stuff will stain the insides of the dishwasher? Maybe I should run a second rinse cycle with this next load.

I can see a little perspective from this point of view

The Talker is having ear tubes put in on Wednesday. Sorely needed, but when the hospital wants to chat you up about all of the things that could happen in the surgery room, it still gives parents pause.

I know the reality is that thousands, millions, however many kiddos have tubes every year. And the most serious problems seldom happen. It was nice to cruise through the hospital's pre-surgery tour for kids this afternoon. We took the same tour a few years ago and nothing too dramatic happened on our part. Heck, the boy was almost giddy to see the operating room.

It is hard to get too worried about it, knowing that the surgery takes 15-30 minutes. Still. It is my boy. But I think I am done worrying about those 15 minutes he will be out. After all, he will be back at school 18 hours later.

The only other kid who was on the tour is having a 4-6 hour open heart surgery on Thursday. 4-6 hours! Working on her heart! Then goodness knows how long of a recovery after that.

Other than her first name, we don't know this girl or her family. Still, I think I'll spend my time worrying about her for the next few days.

AFTER we cut off the part that the dog licked on...

Four years went by fast

and without a lot of sleep.

The Princess turns four today! She is out running the roads with mom this morning, but we should all be together for a birthday lunch of her choosing. Hopefully it won't require any dads to dress up like princesses.

So here is looking forward to an afternoon of fun and frivolity with our newly minted 4 year old. And if I must dress like a Cinderella with spiked hair, then hand me a ball gown and a glass shoe.

But if it happens, then believe me, pictures will not be coming soon.

Happy Birfday Baby Girl.

Now, let the wild rumpus start!

The wife and one kid just left town for a quick weekend trip to see the cousins. Another kid is at school. Daddy is at home with partying on his mind. At least until 3pm, when the elementary school bus drops the boy off.

PAR-TEEE!

But now that I think about it, we are out of good party supplies. And it IS pay day, so I might as well go to work and hang out with a bunch of other people's kids.

Not much of a Wild Thing, am I?

M&M Wild Cherry. Sadness in a pretty bag

My love of M&Ms is only topped by my love of Dr Pepper. Put the two snacks together and I go into a state of enlightenment (and a mild diabetic coma).

M&Ms. I love 'em all. Al the colors, all the varieties. Peanut? check. Plain? You betcha. Almond? You know it! The caramel and crispy M&Ms? Me likee long time. Heck, I don't even hate the dark chocolate M&Ms. (I just skip over them to get to the good ones...)

So imagine an almost 40 year old dancing in the aisle of Target when I found a bag of M&M Wild Cherry. The pretty red treats wrapped in a red bad the color of God's wife's toe nail paint. This would be great!

My first clue should have been the horrendous gagging noise that The Boss Lady made when she opened the bag before we had even left the parking lot. The next clue should have been the smell I was dealt when I took my first whiff.

The third clue? That would be the funky after taste that came around before I had even bit in to my first WCM&M. Whoever approved this project at M&M/Mars should be stoned. Or maybe they WERE stoned. Munchies for Christmas candies, anyone?

Needless to say, next time you are headed this way, stop and pick up some Dr Pepper and M&Ms. I'll be your best friend, unless you bring me those naz-teee Wild Cherry things. Keep those and we will use them as slingshot ammo when we break into the local convenience store on a sugar induced bender.

The Princess has a good ear

She has been running around the house all morning, singing Please Read the Letter That I Wrote, the Robert Plant and Allison Krauss re-worked duet.



Of course, The Talker will have good ears too, thanks to the tubes that will be going in soon. Maybe then I'll be able to start my very own Hanson's-esque kid band.

Or we could skip the tubes, let the boy keep screaming 1000% of the time, since he can't hear a thing, and we could be junior punks. That would surely be more Zeppelin like, right?

RacecarDaddy, Part 4 and 5

A follow post on the speeding ticket I got back on January 31.

Since I appeared at Municipal Court and was willing to pay the ticket within 10 days I could have been done with the whole mess for about $170 plus parking fees downtown. But I decided to beg the judge for a probated sentence, so they got no $ from me that day.

Instead I was scheduled to see the city prosecutor to try to work out a plea arrangement. I did not think I had an option to skip this step. But in the info the city gave me, they said that if I did meet with the prosecutor, then I would not be allowed to ask the judge for a probated sentence later on.

So I decided to waive that meeting and move to the trial. I was nice to the tax payers, though. I also waived the jury and the court reporter. Heck, I don't even care if the cop shows up.

On the way downtown I am stopping and picking up a copy of my driving record, to show the judge that I am not, in fact, a speed-crazed teenager in a souped up Camaro Z-28. I am just a dad in a Saturn. Who can't take Defensive Driving because I have that dang Commercial Driver's License. Which I haven't used in 6 years. Fat lot of good it had done me now, right?

This morning I finally have to meet my destiny. Downtown at 9:30. There will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth. Whatever it takes to keep this cheesy little ticket off of my driving record.

After all, I have watched a lot of Law and Order. I know my rights and if all else fails, I'll order up an autopsy and some DNA tests. that should slow things down enough that I don't have to write a check today, right?

But I am betting that I'll now be out more than the original $170. I am sure they will be more than willing to tack on some court costs and all that stuff.

Any bets on what this $170 ticket is going to cost me in the long run?

And now,Part 6 as an addendum:

After I got downtown, I found FREE parking. So the $5 I would have spent on that went to a nice breakfast at a little walk-in bakery after I made sure I was early and in the right place for Municipal Court.

After I watched a couple of entertaining cases and I realized that the judge was assessing full fine costs PLUS $101 in court costs after finding each defendant guilty, I started thinking about cutting my losses.

My 9:30 time came and went with no sign of a police officer. So I was feeling good. An easy dismissal? Turns out that was the case for everyone who had been ticketed by that officer - EXCEPT me. Because of that @##$(*&#$%^ Commercial Driver's License. No dismissals allowed for CDLs. The judge wanted me to talk to the prosecutor and reschedule for a date in April.

While talking to the prosecutor, he made me an offer and I finally decided to just take the ticket on my record and plead no contest. I would not have to pay the full fine, only the court costs, plus at least $1 for the fine. He assured me that with the CDL I would not get the judge to allow anything better.

In the end, I am out about $150 on this ticket since I made one extra trip downtown with $5 of paid parking to get it all handled and I missed out on work today. Wah Wah :(

I could have just plead No Contest and written a check for $167 at the beginning to get it all handled. After all is done, I saved about $15.

Not the easiest way to pay for a couple of cases of Dr Pepper, but it'll work.

We are famous!

and it is about time that the AtHomeFam gets the respect we deserve.

Yep, we made it to Street View on Google Maps.

Some people are worried about invasion of privacy and all that. Me? I am just sad that we did not know the Googlecar was coming by.

The Christmas balloons were not aired up. ThePolar Bear and Winnie the Pooh balloons are the colored blobs laying flat in the middle of the yard. And besides, I could have made one of my famous in-the-buff streaks around the neighborhood.

Maybe there is a reason they don't tell guys like me where they are headed next.

For the record I have narrowed down the date this pic was taken. Obviously at Christmas, because there is a wreath on the garage and the aforementioned balloons. Definitely this year since I did not have that car last Christmas. And more specifically, it was between Dec 5th, when I set up the decorations and Jan 5th, when I finally got around to putting them all away.

Actually, I know it to be at least a few days after that, because I put up a Santa balloon closer to the street, but it had a hole in it right out the box. After trying to make it work for a week or so, I dumped it on our next trash day, most likely the 18th of Dec.

Also, The Talker's school parking lot was totally empty when I took a look over there. So assuming that the streets were photographed the same day, I would bet that he was already out for Winter Break. And if that is true, then The Boss Lady would have been out on her Winter Break too, which likely means that she was Christmas shopping when the Googlecar rolled through the 'hood.

Yes, this is the type of trivial information that clogs my brain and keeps me from being able to do Algebra.

Because I know you couldn't sleep until I told you

I took Terry and Jen's advice and renewed our cell phone contract for another two years. New freebie phone should be here Monday, but I chickened out and did not spend the $ to get a cool slider/smartphone/gps enabled/mp3 playing/video broadcasting unit. Heck it isn't even a flip phone.

So the teens will still laugh at me, but i get to laugh at The Boss Lady, since I ordered her a pink phone. The girl may like pink frilly stuff, but the momma, not so much. Heck, I only had to listen to her whine for a month when the kids bought her purple Crocs.

Hey, if she did not want the pink one, she should have beat me to the online order form.

AtHomeCoach

We just returned from The Talker's first soccer game of the season. Of course, after running around on the field, trying to keep 5 kids at a time organized at least enough to all kick the ball at the same goal, I think I am done with my exercise for the day.

The Talker is playing his last season on a YMCA Kinder Soccer team. It is a fairly non competitive league. Heck, we are not even keeping track of the score. The kids? They keep up with the score because kindergartners can count. But officially it is one of those everybody wins type of things.

Now don't come in here bitching that AtHomeDaddy is a dyed-in-the red commie. I am all for competition, even in youth sports. Yeah for America and for capitalism. Crush the enemy and all that. The Talker just does not need that type of competition. Yet.

As for me? I'll just count the season a success if we can learn to keep our hands off the freakin' ball. But at this rate, I am not expecting that to happen any time soon.

And until it does, we won't worry about crushing the enemy on the other side of the soccer field.

Sad, but sadly true

This afternoon the kids and I headed to the park as soon as The Talker got home from school. OK, not as soon as. We had to stop at Krispy Kreme on the way to the park. Yep, had to.

Anyways, we went to the neighborhood park to hang out. Usually the after school crowd is hopping, but today there were only three other kids and one mom up there. It was a family that I don't remember seeing before.

After The AtHomeTrio snacked on Krispy Kremes, the kids bolted for the playscape. I hung out at the nearby picnic tables and wished that I had brought a pillow.

One of the 3 girls with the other family came over to chat with me. She was maybe 4 years old. From where I was sitting, her mom could not see us, so mom came close enough to see the chatty daughter.

Believe me, I am not offended that the mom was keeping a close eye. I would be worried if the mom had not noticed her kid hanging around, out of sight. The mom had to move, to check on a younger daughter. So I moved to the other side of the playscape, since I was expecting Chatty Kid to keep up the talk. That way the mom could see all of her brood while she pushed her youngest on a swing.

Chatty Kid started gathering a collection of sticks. She would walk a few steps, find a stick and return to show off her treasure. Kind of like a lazy Golden Retriever dog. After she made a dozen trips to fetch sticks, I reached over the retaining wall and picked up a particularly gnarly and rough looking stick for Chatty Kid to add to the pile.

At the moment I handed the girl the stick, the mom called her over. They started gathering up their things and left soon after that. Since we were the only three left at the park, we headed home, too.

As we were walking away from the park, the mom stopped me. She mildly chastised me for giving her kid that stick. Now, she wasn't yelling or anything, but I think she was sort of freaked out. At one point she told me something like 'I don't want the kids to learn that they can accept ANYTHING from strangers.'

Sadly, I think the mom had a point. Maybe she overreacted. Or maybe she just doesn't know that this neighborhood is rife with stay at home dads. I mean I had moved so that she could see her kid more easily. But I still don't know the lady. She and I are in fact, strangers. And teaching your kids to be smart and safe around strangers IS good family policy.

If I had stopped on my way into the park to chat up the mom, playtime might have ended up differently. Or the mom might have though I was trying to hit on her. Either way, I was going to end up looking a little creepy.

In the end, I am glad to see the mom took charge of a situation that freaked her out. But I am sad that to think that I was the cause of the end of playtime. Playtime is supposed to be fun. But on days like this it just tends to be a lot of work for me.

Pre-School Musical

Around our house Annie is the current big thing. The Boss Lady loved it when she was a grade-schooler. Now our kids are watching it every chance they get.

Way back before Annie came to stay in our DVD player, though, The Princess wrote her own song. I have tried for the longest time to catch it on video, audio tape, a telephone answering machine. Anything. But the girl will not perform on cue. Prima donnas, what can you do?

So now I give you:

The Bad Princess Song
Words and music by The Princess

(Sung to the tune of: well, that gets a little complicated.
See it starts off sounding like the intro to It's a Big World. But it quickly
moves into this Pink Houses/We Will Rock You thing.)

I'm a bad princess
A bad, bad princess

I don't like people

And I've got my red eyes
My red, red eyes

I live in a castle
But I won't let you in
Won't let you in

The words are kid of fluid and ever-changing after the 'red, red eyes' line. But the first part of The Bad Princess Song never changes. Ever. Under penalty of torture.

While I was double checking the wording with the singer/songwriter, I missed one word. And she threatened to turn me into a toad.

Gosh! Most artists just complain that the publisher is ripping them off with a lousy contract...

Picking colleges for the kids won't be this hard...

or require this much math.

That is right. We are at that union of the holy and the unholy. The end of a 2 year cell phone contract. Deciding what we should do next has become my obsession.

For the time being I am holding onto my 2 year old flip phone, which once was The Boss Lady's one year old cell phone. But we are contract free. Old-school flip phone technology meets financial freedom. Or something like that...

I have been lusting after a web-enabled smart phone. Checking email and blogging on the go sounds really cool. Then I found out that all those bells and whistles cost an extra $15-$30 each month. As it is now, I hardly use my phone. We have the fewest minutes available from our cell provider and never go over on talk-time.

So the current quandary: leave everything as it is now, but get laughed at every time I pull the old flip phone out of my pocket, renew for another two years with our same contract and get new, but not totally cool, freebie phones, or drop the bomb, get a discount on the high dollar Smart Phone by signing up for a new contract with our current provider.

Of course, that does not take into account all of the other providers. they may have discounts that are just as good as our current provider. And most of them have cooler phones. But trying to compare plans between companies is like doing calculus while swinging on the monkey bars. And I have never been any good at EITHER of those things...

So which is more important? Ensuring that I don't get laughed at for a couple of more years or pinching every penny until my current phone bites the big one?

AtHomeBum

I find myself in a unique position for a a stay at home dad this morning. It is a weekday. And there are no children here. Mondays, I generally get my fill of kids on the first work day of the week. But The Princess' school is closed for Easter Monday. So she went to work with The Boss Lady.

The Talker is off at school. Where he stays until 2:45. I'll drive out and pick up The Princess at 1. Leaving me with 4 1/2 hours to get the following things finished up:

Front yard mowed, trimmed and edged
Workout at the YMCA fitness center
Dishes out of, and more into, the dishwasher
Dirty laundry washed, clean laundry folded, folded laundry put away
Backyard and veggie garden watered
My car filled up with gas
Grocery run - we are out of Dr Pepper...
Naptime!

OK, so that list may be a little much for a 4 1/2 hour block of free time. Just in case it is, I think I'll start at the bottom and work my way up to the top.

Goodnight.

Bracket Braggin'

Some of my buddies take NCAA March Madness very seriously. I watch as many games as I can, but mainly because if I don't then The Boss Lady will take the remote control away and we will end up watching the Project Runway marathon or something.

A few years ago I started making up a March Madness bracket. Some guys spend days thinking through each pick. But I never spend much time on it. I think my bracket took me less than 10 minutes this year and that included registering for ESPN.com.

So how does a guy who knows nothing about college basketball do during the first round? Top 96% of all entries on ESPN at the present time, thank you very much.

Hey, SOMEBODY had to pick Western Kentucky over Drake. Whatever that means.


For the record, no, I did not pick the 'Horn to run the table. Also, this likely concludes my bragging about college basketball for the year. The only bet I am willing to make for now is that by Round 2 my win percentage will be somewhere around 30%

Addendum 1 4:21 pm: OK, Once I quit updating this post, you'll know the downhill slide has begun. 97%, Babyyy!

Garden '08

The veggie garden is coming back to life pretty well. I kept a few plants in the ground over the fall and winter. Several lettuce plants came up after I harvested the last of the crop over the summer. One of the survivors is a purple leafed variety. While I was out there this morning, I noticed that the purple lettuce is blooming.



Who knew that lettuce would bloom? Not me.


Here are a few other pictures from the garden. The snow peas are coming on strong. The lettuce is tasty as always and we still have enough onions to make the Russian Army cry.



And just for Terry, the garden looks a little less like a graveyard this year. The watermelon bed, in the middle of the frame, is now kind of curved and bean shaped.

Ready-Set-Bumbo

The guy who made this has waaaaaaaaay too much time on his hands. There are several others over at Ready-Set-Bumbo.



And just for the record, I KNOW you aren't supposed to put Bumbo seats on elevated surfaces. You aren't supposed to let your dog get shot by the baby's laser, either.

I think I look more like Woody Harrelson...

It is official. The Talker's new soccer team will be The Wildcats. Does that make me Goldie Hawn?



As it stands now, I either have two weeks to teach 10 kindergarteners to play soccer or I need to start teaching them some good cheer leading skills.

Need to feel young again?

Or at least a little less old?

Go hit up the U23D movie when it comes by. The Boss Lady and I went on our first date in about a decade tonight. We went to see U23D in an IMAX theater and followed up that awesome show with a little Frito Pie at Texas Chili Parlor.

Thus concludes the blog-able portion of this evening. Good night.

Well, they DID have a 30 minute head start!

It is official. My garage is/was a freakin' disaster area. That entire wing of our estate should be condemned/torched/abandoned.

I walked outside this morning, and noticed that it was a perfectly gorgeous Saturday. Our neighbors were having a garage sale. Lots of traffic on the street and lots of people milling around. A perfect time to expose the dump that is my car-house*.

* car-house (noun) A barn/building/shed big enough to store a car.
My grandpa called the barn closest to his house a car-house. I have no idea why, there was never a car in there. Just a big pile of junk. Much like my car-house.

I always seem to have too many projects half-started or half-finished. And I never, ever get around to putting everything back were it belongs. After a few months/years. It gets to be quiet a sight. Throw in a half complete 40 year old truck, and you have the makings of a horror movie set.

I organized. I straightened. I swept and I reorganized. Heck, I even managed to wash a load of laundry in the meantime. I spent a couple of hours out there. And I still am not finished. I need to finish organizing all of my hand tools and camping gear. Which are the two piles that were mostly mucking everything up in the first place...

After I had been working for a while, I noticed that the neighbors garage sale was over and they had already gone inside to count their pile of small bills. Which makes me feel really bad. Because evidently I could have sold this crap pile quicker than I can clean it up.

Anybody want a good deal on a pile of assorted tools and tents?

Heading home

The kids and I are heading back home today. Not the most exciting trip ever. The funeral ended as one would expect. And just to keep things interesting, the surgery almost ended as one would expect a funeral to end, too.

Good times. Now I just have to keep the kiddos happy until The Boss Lady flies home on Friday.

Made it

We made it to the end of the road trip. We were headed up for a funeral and surgery, but a birthday for my 5 year old nephew broke out.

I think I like this better.

Spring BREAK!

The kiddos are out of school and The Boss Lady has no class for a week.

So we are busting out on that most exciting of road trips, the out of town funeral, with a side of surgery on the other side of town.

Luckily, none of the four of us are the honoree at either event.

She would really laugh if she saw my Superman Underoos.

The Princess was getting dressed this morning when she came running out of her room. I did not really see what was soooooooooo funny about a pair of her panties until she held them up and screamed "Daddy, these are the biggest panties, EVER!"

Though The Boss Lady would disagree that they are the biggest EVER, it is still pretty funny to find a pair of your mom's underwear in your own dresser drawer. At least if you are 3 and 1/2.

If it happened to ME this morning, I would be distressed.

I wuz PIMP!

The wife and I started digging through some old pictures tonight. She did not meet me until the long hair and the 69 Volkswagen were both long gone. Her loss. And if she would quit laughing, she would realize that...

Pictures taken before I went to my high school prom.
Stag.

Can you believe it?
This stud had no date for prom.
Not because my 1988 mullet wasn't trying hard enough,
that's for sure.

Just Talkin'

Now that The Talker is old enough to have an occasional conversation, I am constantly amazed by his insights and I wonder about the things that really get his brain working.

This morning I was flipping news channels back and forth between CNN, MSNBC and Fox News. The Democratic Party primary system down here in Texas seemed to be the hot topic of the morning news. So the Talker started sharing his knowledge of the U.S. election process. And other than thinking we are electing a new President TODAY, I am impressed by how much he understands.

2 parties, check. Main players by name and on sight, check. Knowing that adults vote and kids don't, check. He knows that his mom and I voted early, to miss the chaos today. And he gets a bonus point for knowing that all the signs around town are trying to "sell you to vote for that guy" (his words, not mine). Plus, a game winning, final point for understanding that not all countries elect leaders in the same way.

While we were in the car, on the way to school, The Talker was verbally trotting along, just sharing everything he knew about elections when he hit a stumbling block. New York.

Seems that the boy doesn't know for sure if New Yorkers are allowed to vote. I assured him that they are. Then he wanted to know who MAKES them vote. I tried to convince him that voting is a choice. But he would have none of my nonsense when thinking about New York. He seems absolutely convinced that New Yorkers are forced to line up and vote.

I tried to get the boy off of New York's back. I tried to change the subject. Heck, I even turned on the 80's rock station that usually gets him pumped up in the morning, but somehow just makes me feel really old... But he stuck with New York voting rights.

Since his school is a polling place, there were signs and campaign staffers lining all of the sidewalks into the building. As we pulled up in front of the building he hopped out of the car. I wished him a good day. He reminded me "Don't forget to vote again."

Yep, even though the boy has only stepped outside of Texas once in his life, he sounds just like a good New York politician.

Migraine Math

Church this morning + Sunday School + Lunch Out + 6 year old neighbor's birthday party all afternoon + Dad's night at church tonight = Who has time for a good migraine today?

Well, evidently I FOUND time...





Who wants to loan me a Bible with a couple of shots of booze hidden inside?

Dance Party!

Last night the entire family headed over to The Talker's school for a Dance Party and Silent Auction fund raiser. The kids had a good time and popcorn and juice only cost 25 cents each.
The dance was a well-done activity for the families. We all had a god time.

The PTA brought in a professional DJ who played a good selection of kid-approved pop and rock tunes. After a couple of hours, we were heading out the door, but we got sucked back into the scrum by the Chicken Dance and the Cha Cha Slide. Is it odd that Vince Neil and I dance exactly the same way?

The silent auction is the school's biggest PTA fund raiser for the year. They have lots of baskets for sale that the class parents put together. OK, the class moms put together... There are lots of other donated trips and things up for auction, too.

Luckily, I don't think The Boss Lady won the Mom's 4 Day Spa Weekend Away that she bid $1056.42 on. So our house will not collapse upon itself some Saturday in March.

Blog housekeeping

Yesterday I logged in to post and my text had disappeared from my blog pages. After dorking around with the template on blogger for a while, I got it mostly set up the way I like it. Except that I can't get the Archives to look right.

So I am trying out an archive calendar that I found over at phydeaux3.blogspot.com. If anyone can figure out how to push the archive title list over to a right side alignment, like the rest of my sidebar, I would welcome the help.

So if my blog tanks in the next few days, blame it on blogger.

Edit: I got the sidebar to line up properly. I couldn't tell you how I did it, but it looks OK in IE and Firefox

Edit 2: I did not like the way the calendar looked on the sidebar. I finally got that nearly fixed, too. It isn't exactly the way I want it ,but close enough. Pretty good for a guy with no knowledge of CSS code.

What do you do?

What to do when you have more babies than hands?

Use that shirt for something more than just covering your bod. It makes a great baby toting gadget, too.

Who needs a $50 Baby Bjorn?